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"...been wadin' through the high muddy water"
The Coming of the Techno-Politico
Sarah Palin, Scott Brown and James Cameron’s Avatar

By Django Jones

An unexpected speed-bump appeared on Dick Cheney’s fast track to world domination – the emergence of The Decider. Once he got into office, George W. flexed his Texas muscles and decided that he wasn’t just a frat boy wastrel who fell into the presidency of the United States of America, the most powerful nation on earth, because of his father and the all-American practice of family inheritance of power. (Didn’t we fight a revolution to put an end to that?)  Nope, he wasn’t a dope, he could think about things all on his own and make his mind up about them, without all these political handlers and advisers and egg-head so and so’s who didn’t know that the ordinary everyday people thought. George W. knew what the ordinary people thought, because he was pretty ordinary himself and besides, he’d spent a lifetime pretending to be one of them.

So Cheney’s puppet started speaking for himself, like in the old movie with Anthony Hopkins, Magic, where his ventriloquist dummy begins to tell him what to do and starts taking over his life. Imagine the shock Cheney must have felt when this happened – this Alfred E. Newman C-Student former alcoholic dunderhead dummy with a political name who was just a figurehead to be manipulated suddenly comes up with ideas of his own – it had to have been a true horror movie moment. You could see it on the pained expression, the slanted Penguin sneer that Cheney constantly wore.
Why else do you think he had five heart attacks? The Decider.

Now we have a new breed of ordinary, not very bright but popular politicians who are perfect for getting the approval of the masses, but when it comes to them actually doing what you want them to do once they’re in office, well, that’s another story. Case in point – Scott Brown, Senator from Massachusetts, a political unknown who appeared out of nowhere to take over the venerable Teddy Kennedy’s enthroned liberal seat, elected on a groundswell of good will from Republicans who were fed up with the economy and threw all the blame on our current President, Mr. Obama, rather than blaming the Republican Bush administration and the bankers
or even Clinton, who got the financial deregulation ball rolling. No matter, Obama had the ball now and he wasn’t sinking any hoops. The Republicans gridlocked health care reform and with the election of Scott Brown now upsetting the filibuster-proof senate, all bets were off. A perfect scenario for the Republicans to begin to scratch and claw and worm their way back, as they always do, to once again lead us to the precipice of disaster.

Except… Brown recently put his vote and support behind a Democrat sponsored $15 billion dollar jobs bill. Some praised his independent mindedness, but many of the Massachusetts Republicans who voted for him felt betrayed. And no doubt, despite whatever they might say in public about Brown’s admirable ndependent character, the Republican Party itself is surely grumbling in the back hallways about getting more control over their new protégé.

Another loose cannon going rouge. Which brings us to Sarah Palin. As much as the Republicans love her popularity and sass how the public genuinely identifies with her, the party is not so secretly terrified of her actually getting into office. Who knows what the hell she’ll say or do?

Enter James Cameron’s Avatar. For any who don’t know the plot of the movie, a mining company grows alien bodies so that an earthman, who is “inside” the body, controlling it, via a mental link, can infiltrate the peaceful alien society and manipulate it to the devious ends of the company, in order to rape their environment for greed, power and the American way.

Let’s imagine in the near future that we have a popular figure like Sarah Palin. When the technology is available, all they (being the nefarious political powers that be) need to do is to grow a body that looks just like the politician, then after the election is over, inhabit it with the mental link, the real power, the Dick Cheney, the political shark. That way, you have the perfect puppet master, the power behind the throne can do or say exactly what they want. Of course, the public might notice a difference in the way the politician behaves around people, how they’ve lost the common touch, but that would just be chalked up to the pressures of harsh political life and the reality of doing business in Washington. It changes a person, you know.

So, kids, there you have it, the politician of the future, coming soon – the Techno-Politico. The only real political avatar you'll ever see. I guarantee it'll happen one day, just a matter of time. And you read it here first.